People with pathological narcissism are known for their grandiose, arrogant behavior and sense of entitlement.
However, beneath the surface lies a vulnerable inner world rife with insecurity, emptiness, and dysregulated emotions, according to a new qualitative study.
Key Facts:
- 436 partners and family members of people with high narcissistic traits described their relative’s emotional makeup in detail.
- 69% portrayed both grandiose and vulnerable characteristics in their narcissistic relative.
- The most commonly described grandiose traits were arrogance, entitlement, charm, lack of empathy, and requiring excessive admiration.
- The most commonly described vulnerable traits were contingent self-esteem, emptiness, affective instability, hiding the true self, hypersensitivity, insecurity, and rage.
- Other associated features included perfectionism, vindictiveness, and suspicious beliefs.
- Many relatives also described childhood trauma and emotional invalidation in their narcissistic loved ones.
Source: Borderline Personal Disord Emot Dysregul. 2020
The popular understanding of narcissism focuses on the outward grandiosity, or an inflated sense of self and entitlement.
However, decades of clinical observations indicate pathological narcissism also has an inwardly vulnerable dimension characterized by dysregulated emotions, insecurity, and an empty depressed self.
A new study aimed to illuminate the full emotional makeup of pathological narcissism by going directly to the partners and family members who know these individuals most intimately.
Study: Relationships with High Narcissistic Traits
Researchers recruited 436 participants who were in significant personal relationships with individuals scoring high in narcissistic traits.
This included current and former romantic partners as well as family members.
The participants described their narcissistic relative in their own words.
Their responses were analyzed to identify reoccurring themes using established qualitative research methods.
Two major dimensions emerged from the descriptions – grandiosity and vulnerability:
Grandiosity
- Arrogance – haughty behaviors and attitudes, overly critical of others
- Entitlement – belief in deserving special treatment
- Envy – jealousy and anger over others’ success
- Exploitation – using others for own gain
- Fantasy – unrealistic beliefs in own brilliance and success
- Self-importance – exaggerating achievements and demanding admiration
- Lack of empathy – unwilling to understand others’ perspectives
- Sense of specialness – belief in being exceptional and unique
- Charm – likeability, wit, and gregariousness in public
Vulnerability
- Contingent self-esteem – relying on others’ approval for self-worth
- Devaluation – putting down others to cope with disappointment
- Emptiness – inability to deeply connect emotionally
- Hiding the true self – withdrawing physically or emotionally
- Hypersensitivity – volatile reactions to perceived criticisms
- Insecurity – underlying sense of inadequacy and fear
- Rage – uncontrolled explosive anger
- Affective instability – anxiety, depression, emotional volatility
- Victim mentality – view of self as mistreated and misunderstood
- Other Associated Features
- Perfectionism – imposing unrelentingly high standards on others
- Vindictiveness – high motivation for revenge and retaliation
- Suspicious beliefs – paranoid ideation and distrust of others’ motives
Narcissism: Vulnerable Core Beneath the Grandiose Armor
The most striking finding was that nearly 7 in 10 relatives described both grandiose and vulnerable characteristics in their narcissistic loved one.
Only 1 in 5 focused exclusively on vulnerable traits, while just 1 in 10 focused solely on grandiose traits.
This suggests that despite their outward hubris, bravado, and charm, internally these individuals struggle with painful self-doubt, emptiness, and emotional dysregulation.
Their arrogance and grandiosity may shield a core lack of identity and chronic feelings of inadequacy rooted in childhood emotional invalidation or trauma.
Cluster analysis of the themes revealed two key dimensions:
- Fantasy Proneness – Grandiose sense of self-importance driven by fantasies of success. Associated with envy, suspicious beliefs, and feelings of victimhood.
- Fragile Self – Insecurity, emptiness, hiding the true self, and affective instability indicative of a fragile sense of self.
Origins of the False Self in Narcissists
Many relatives also touched on potential roots of their loved one’s pathological narcissism, including:
- Childhood trauma – physical, verbal, or sexual abuse
- Emotional invalidation – neglect, lack of praise, conditional approval
- Excessive religiosity – used to bolster self-image and control others
- Substance abuse – potentially to cope with emptiness and regulating emotions
This suggests that the grandiose false self may develop as a protective armor in response to a traumatic or emotionally invalidating upbringing.
Implications for Treatment of Narcissistic Traits & Relationships
These findings have several implications for improving diagnosis and treatment of pathological narcissism:
- Assessment should evaluate both grandiose and vulnerable dimensions for a complete picture.
- Treatment should integrate the disparate self-states through exploring identity, relationships and emotions.
- Clinicians should identify and empathize with the inner vulnerability and trauma often driving this disorder.
For people in relationships with narcissists, these insights provide a framework for understanding their loved one’s oscillating self-states and outbursts.
It highlights the importance of setting boundaries while extending compassion.
In summary, this study illuminates the complex emotional landscape of pathological narcissism.
Beneath the surface grandiosity lies deep fears of exposure, unmet needs, and a fragile sense of self.
Recognizing this hidden vulnerability is key to accurate identification and compassionate treatment.
References
- Study: Living with pathological narcissism: a qualitative study
- Authors: Nicholas J. S. Day et al. (2020)
